Mail Odour

We receive some strange things through the post at work. Many of them are from loyal listeners who are moved by what we create in our day to day work to communicate their inner thoughts to us. I have this theory that since email and texting made the process of communicating with a broadcaster a quick and simple process for the masses, the only people left who actually sit down and write to radio stations are the clinically insane.

Hence the only letters you tend to get are ones that are either ten pages of handwritten notepaper stuffed inside a home-made envelope (nutters don't buy stationery, they just recycle their telephone bills) or A4 sheets of newspaper clippings with the salient points circled in purple ink. It makes opening the mail a daily joy and a voyage of discovery, once you've checked carefully for razor blades secreted inside the envelope.

Sometimes however the best moments are reserved for promotional goodies, such as the packages that arrived at the office this morining. They were from the Sunday Sport, promoting their brand new lifestyle product. After months of research, said the blurb, their scientists had succeeded in capturing the very essence of one of their most attractive girls and they were now in a position to bring it to the huddled masses.

Attached was a promotional poster for this magical new product - EAU DE PUNANI.

Better yet they sent us a sample, a nondescript looking glass bottle filled with a clear fluid. I eagerly unscrewed it and lifted it gently to my nostrils. At once I experienced the fruits of their scientific labours as my nostrils twitched with an aroma that was both novel and intriguing but at the same time comfortingly familiar.

I passed it over to a colleague and invited him to take a sniff. He at once proclaimed it disgusting and dropped the bottle, which proceeded to empty itself over his desk. We wiped it up but the scent still lingered.

Yes, it is thanks to those wonderful people at Sport Newspapers that a small corner of our office currently carries with it the distinct aroma of unwashed fanny. I can't thank them enough.